I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
