hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
