Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
