I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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