You work out of a Hotel?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize