Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Randomize
