My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
