just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
