Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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