Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
