I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
