someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
