You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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