well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
