all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
