Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
