wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
