what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
