I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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