i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
