O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
