I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
