i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
