also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
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