Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
