Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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