Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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