Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
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