dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
she smelled like a LAN party
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
