currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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