i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
