I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize