you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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