im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
