Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
