She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
