Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
