Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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