pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I skipped work to stalk him.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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