Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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