he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
We have so much sex to catch up on
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
