Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
