I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
