we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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