He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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