It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
