Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
