Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
honey bunches of taint.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
