This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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