it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
