Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
