Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
