And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i wish my penis had a tongue
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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