She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
