i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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