every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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