i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Randomize
