i think my tv is drunk
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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