Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
