I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize