You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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