It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
