If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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