everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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