I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
