"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize