she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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