so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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