dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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