Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
His hands were made for my vagina.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Randomize
