1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Hippo gnu deer
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Randomize
