I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
