okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
