Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
