I think I won the penis lottery.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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