He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
