I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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