yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize