my mouth tastes like poor choices
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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