I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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