I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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