Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
