Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
