I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
