i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
