i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
