Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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