just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just gargled with NyQuil
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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