I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
