It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
