He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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