Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
