I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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