Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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