Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
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