don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
