AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
