No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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