Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
