new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
