I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
