Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
