I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
