i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
