So drunk its hurt
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
