i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
bring money and cleavage
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
